I took a recent trip to Las Vegas, and found our car stuck in the usual line for the agriculture inspection station in Yermo. This station stops you on the way back from Las Vegas, and is supposed to serve as the guardian to prevent out-of-state fruit from entering California. It has existed for a very long time, though I fear it is completely ineffective.

My son of 51 years was driving, and we happened upon the line of cars. I had taken an apple from the Harrah's buffet for the ride home. I did not think of the potential ramifications of this apple. I was not so much afraid of the apple itself being confiscated, but that it would trigger a major investigation through all of our belongings. My belongings are my private business and I like to keep their inspection to a minimum, though I carry nothing illegal.

We were a few cars away from the station and I went into a semi-panic about the matter. My son insisted that I should just shove the apple into the glove compartment, and nobody would be the wiser. I felt like a common criminal hiding this agricultural contraband, but my back was against the wall and I had no choice.

Surprisingly as we pulled forward, the inspection officer just waved us through without a question. This was despite the fact that, unbeknownst to me, a bead of sweat was rolling down my forehead. I suppose the officer just thought I was hot.

A few miles later, my relief turned to outrage. I said to my son, "You mean they just let us traipse right into California with fruit, without the slightest attempt to detect it?" I could not believe security was so lax, and it dawned on me that the same incompetence and lackadaisical attitudes that saved me were responsible for California's fruit fly problems of recent decades. For example, the current crisis of the Asian Citrus Psyllid and the orange trees is likely a result of such poor agricultural security measures.

It was not always like this.

In 1972, I took a last-minute trip with some friends to Las Vegas. On the way home, we encountered the agricultural inspection station. Rather than wave us on, we were stopped and asked a few brief questions. Unfortunately, my friend Cap got us into a pickle with his attempt at comedy.

The inspector asked us, "Do you have any fruit in the car?", to which Cap immediately pointed to Lawrence and said, "After seeing him dance last night at Caesar's, I suspect we do!"

We all had a hearty laugh, but the inspector asked us to pull to the side and inspected all of our luggage. We tried to explain the joke, but the inspector was not convinced, and told us that we are now required to face further scrutiny due to the admission of having fruit in the car.

While that moment was something I was unhappy with at the time, I now appreciate that inspector's dedication. You can never be too careful when it comes to agricultural security.

I have passed that stop at least 300 times in my life. Probably closer to 500 times. About 5-10 times I was asked where I was going. I answered LA from vegas and they let me go. I have driven that route with NY plates, California plates, even AZ plates. My car, rental cars whatever, they don't do anything at these check points. More often then not there is not a single agent even working. You just drive right through.

1) that agriculture stop between Vegas and LA is of course bullshit. Every time I pass it, I give the 'officer' my best "serious face" and do my best "I think you are a real authority figure" act. All the while I always wonder if the copious amounts of marijuana I am traveling with fall under the jurisdiction of whatever wasteful California Agriculture department running this joke-stop.

2) This isn't Nam or Hawaii. Our agricultural concerns are as a contiguous country IMO. there is no reason we can't pass from state to state with an apple. If we have fruit flies in Nevada I'll bet they get to California with or without agricultural stops.




blind read: you have lube, condoms, and a giant black dildo in your luggage.

Yermo Road parallels interstate 15 in the area of the agricultural inspection station...i've gotten off 15 at Harvard Road and taken Yermo to Old Calico Road then got back on 15 southbound, thus by-passing the station...can't go as fast because Yermo is not as smooth as the interstate, but when the interstate is semi-congested on the Vegas to LA run, like on a Sunday afternoon, this is one way to save yourself 5-10 minutes by avoiding the jam-up at the stop

I say the dildo is hot pink.

I never drive during heavy traffic hours so that stop never hurts me. Pretty lame though that there is a way around the check point. I am sure many people who want to avoid the station know your little detour. If I ever have to drive on a sunday night back to LA I will be taking your short cut.